OAP shoplifter lacks bite

A 70-year-old shoplifter tried to evade capture by biting an arresting officer before realising he'd left his dentures at home.
Pensioner Gustav Ernegger turned on the policeman when he grabbed him as he ran out of a clothes shop in Braunschweig, Germany, after stealing a shirt.
But instead of sinking his teeth into the officer's arm, he was only able to leave a wet mark from his gums.
Police spokesman Gunther Brauner said: "He tried to bite the officer several times, but had forgotten to put his false teeth in and so was unable to cause him any harm."

The oldest profession

A doctor, a lawyer, an engineer, and a computer programmer were waiting for a bus when they got to discussing which had the oldest profession. Obviously it was law, said the lawyer. Moses gave the 10 commandments over 3,000 yrs ago, and that's older than either of your jobs. Not so fast, says the doctor. Before that, God created Eve out of Adam's rib, and that was a surgical procedure at least, so mine is older than all of yours! Hey, that's pretty good, said the engineer, but even before that, God created the universe out of chaos, which was the first engineering job ever, and before any of those other things. They all turned and looked smugly at the programmer, whose tools of the trade were well know no be only a few decades old. He smiled back and said: "Ah, but where do u think the "chaos" came from?"

Man learns to tell 'pigs' from cops

A New Zealand man who called police officers 'pigs' has been ordered to spend a day at a pig farm.
The 22-year-old has also been ordered to write an essay about the difference between pigs and police officers.
The man was charged with using offensive language after he hurled abuse at police during a trip to Auckland.
Community Magistrate Robyn Paterson at Tauranga District Court ordered him to spend a day at a pig farm and present a short essay on his experiences, reports The Bay of Plenty Times.
According to the newspaper, he wrote: "I was very, very drunk. I have stopped drinking because of what happened. I have wasted the police's time and my time."
He maintained the word pig could be found in the Oxford dictionary and was often used to describe police.
But added he had learned 'that there is nothing at all in common with a pig and an officer'.

Bunny born with two noses

A Connecticut pet shop worker found the nosey bunny in a delivery of 6-week-old dwarf rabbits that arrived at the Milford store last week. Both noses have two nostrils.

The owner of the Purr-Fect Pets shop says he’s never seen anything like it in 25 years in the business. He says the bunny eats, drinks and hops around like the rest of the litter.

Beardsley Zoo director Gregg Dancho says the deformity could be the result of too much inbreeding or the parents’ exposure to pesticides or poisons.

Store workers have begun a naming contest with Cyrano de Bergerac and Deuce among the contenders so far.

Funny Pictures

Dog rides horse

Owner Patricia Swinley, 73, who runs a farm in Flaxley, Glos, said: "Freddie was riding Daisy one day when my friend Sally's Jack Russell Percy jumped up there too.

"It seems Percy was really keen to imitate his older friend. They tend to squabble when they're riding together, so now we let them take it in turns.

"Freddie is getting quite old now and can't leap up there anymore, so we lift him on. Then Percy has his go. He's very eager and jumps around all over the place in excitement. But luckily Daisy is used to it and doesn't mind."

Freddie and Percy also appear happy to ride in a little cart as Daisy, who is just 37 inches tall, pulls them around the country lanes.

Patricia added: "Freddie became famous for riding Daisy and local schoolchildren still pop by the farm in the hope of seeing him. But now it seems Percy has become his very keen understudy."

Percy's owner, friend and neighbour Sally Jones, 39, who keeps pedigree cattle said: "They both love going in the cart. We call it 'Driving Miss Daisy!'

"We get a lot of cars looking at us, a pony with a trap and two dogs inside.

"We wouldn't do it if they didn't like it, but they all do, terriers and pony."

Joke: 4 Sons

4 Sons

These 4 gents go out to play golf one sunny morning. One is detained in the clubhouse, and the other three are discussing their children while walking to the first tee.

"My son Kent," says one, "has made quite a name for himself in the home-building industry. He began as a carpenter, but now owns his own design and construction firm. He's so successful in fact, in the last year he was able to give a good friend a brand new home as a gift."

The second man, no to be out done, tells how his son began his career as a car salesman, but now owns a multi-line dealership. "Norm's so successful, in fact, in the last six months he gave his friend two brand new cars as a gift."

The third man's son, Greg, has worked his way up through a stock brokerage, and in the last few weeks has given a good friend a large stock portfolio as a gift.

As the fourth man arrives at the tee, another tells him that they have been discussing their progeny and asks what line his son is in.

"To tell the truth, I'm not very pleased with how my son turned out," he replies. "For 15 years, Chico's been a hairdresser, and I've just recently discovered he's gay. However, on the bright side, he must be good at what he does because his last three boyfriends have given him a brand new house, two cars, and a big pile of stock certificates."
Source: funs.co.uk